A justed Question

2003-10-09T14:04:00.000-07:00

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Entertainment
by justed

Bollywood: the movies of India.

Once upon a time, in America, there was a new phenomenon. It was variously called kinematography, motion pictures, moving pictures, but ultimately came to be known simply as: the movies.

Movies at one time were an entire evening’s experience. You knew you were getting your money’s worth when you spent a night at the movies. because in those days - they wanted to entertain you. Typically they provided a Newsreel, a cartoon, coming attractions, a “B” movie and a feature film.

Now a days, while still being referred to as the movies the entire concept has undergone a drastic change.

Stripped away are; the Newsreel, the cartoon, the “B” movie companion. They still have the “coming attractions” but all the other parts of the movie going experience have been replaced by commercials! And “public service” announcements – piracy is bad (as if there is a lot of walking the plank on the high seas occurring these days!)

And the leftovers, the remaining movies themselves, they are only plural in the sense that you can hear the audience in the theatre next to you as it reacts to the film it’s watching.

Because the movies you watch now a days are only there to strip you of your money as fast as they can. To get you in and get you out so they can fill up the theatre with the next lot, for the next show.

Plots have been stripped down too: Blow up lots of stuff fast, beat up bad guy, kiss the girl, and roll credits. Movie run times have become a TV Movie length (two hours less forty plus minutes of commercials), or in other words approximately ninety minutes – with credits bringing the total runtime to 100 – 110 minutes. (2002’s Men in Black II ran 88 minutes.)

Is this what movies should be?

Well there are those who would say: Hollywood knows what it’s doing, and if Hollywood is doing it; it must be what the people want.

And then there are people in a different culture, with a different expectation of what going to a movie should be.

Bollywood: the movies of India.

What kind of movie do you like? Drama? Comedy? Adventure? Musical? Suspense? Love story?

Whatever your preference, when you watch a Bollywood movie, you’re probably watching your kind of movie. You’re probably watching everybody else’s kind of movie also, because Bollywood movies are truly ‘all things to all people.’

Plots are rich in complexity and diversity bringing multiple elements of story to the movie going experience. (Sort of like life.) But it seems guaranteed that every movie will have a number of musical numbers within it (of stand alone video-like quality) that can sometimes appear disjointed, or sometimes worked into the plot seamlessly. And these are big budget production videos too, rich in setting and choreography.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari – 1994 175 minutes!

The actor researching real life cop for movie role plot is not unique; Hollywood Homicide – 2003 111 minutes (Harrison Ford, K. C. Calden), The Hard Way – 1991 111 minutes (Michael J. Fox, James Woods) but Main Khiladi Tu Anari presents it with greater humor, in richer detail, than Hollywood is willing (?) capable (?) of doing. The musical numbers are seamlessly integrated (though one has that female soprano screeching that raises the hackles of Western ears). The story as I’ve come to expect of Bollywood is rich and multifaceted.

It is easy to see how Hollywood would easily strip this Bollywood movie into three or even more movies. And it is with that thought that you realize just how sterile and anemic Hollywood movies have become.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale (bad/poor/neutral/good/excellent scale) I’d say: this subtitled movie rates a g. Unless I compare it to Hollywood at which point I’d be inclined to rate it an x.

2003-09-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

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Entertainment
by justed

Sorry, that’s classified.

Imagine: You’re eighteen years old. Your country has just been sneak attacked. Thousands have died. And you feel that your duty is to fight for the freedom that you have only known for those few short years of your so short life. No way are you going to allow your nation to be put in jeopardy by the threat of monsters bent on the destruction of all you hold dear.

The struggle is long and hard. The enemy is cunning and vicious. You see many of your comrades fall, dead before your eyes.

But at last the war is over. The horror of the unspeakable acts, the awesome terror that has been unleashed upon the world, is over. You can go home.

Home to pretend it never happened – though you know it did. Home to pick up the reigns of a normal life – that had an abnormal interruption. Home to live all the dreams that sustained you in the midst of the fighting, the terror, the horror, that is war.

At first for the longest time you can’t talk about it. You don’t want to talk about it. You want to live that life you dreamed about during those dark days when all you had to cling to was the hope of the life you now live.

But eventually time passes, and you seek to discover the past that so wretchedly interrupted the you - that should have been untainted by the experience of war. You start to try to see the larger picture. What happened? How did things come to pass that we found ourselves in the mess that dragged me into a war that taught me how to kill other human beings?

And then you find out that all the records of what was actually going on, what was actually happening, are sealed and won’t be released to the public until long after you are dead.

Governments have long been notorious for protecting themselves (in the collective). Actions taken by one administration have frequently been kept under wraps because it would reflect badly on all administration of government.

Yet now finally, the secret documents of WWII (when most of the worlds’ current population was not even alive) are finally being released to public scrutiny. Forty plus years after the fact, large portions of classified documents are finally seeing the light of day. Too late for many troubled war veterans - who have long since passed away. Certainly all the Generals are gone.
But, even so, approximately thirty plus years before the ‘oh so precious’ copyright material of the MPAA/ RIAA ever sees the light of public domain.

1998; the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act (CTEA): copyright protection lasting for the life of the author plus 70 years; for works made for hire, the term of protection was extended from 75 to 95 years.

Curly: How we gonna get in Pictures? We know nothing about movies.

Moe: There’s a couple of thousand people now know nothing about it. Three more won’t make any difference.

From: Movie Maniacs (the Three Stooges), 1935, Columbia Pictures Corporation. Due to enter public domain (baring any further copyright law extensions) in 2030AD.

Thank you Hollywood (MPAA). Thank you, Big Five record corporations (RIAA).

2003-09-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

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(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

[The ongoing tale of the trials and settlements imposed by a greedy orphan of modest beginnings, who thru backstabbing thievery rose to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the RIAA. (Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics)
As our story opens…]

Hello? Hello? Scumbucket McGreedy? This is B.Luster Blubberbutt.

Not THE B.Luster Blubberbutt?

The one and only! Now listen Scum… I may call you Scum? Right?

Sure, everybody does. And may I say I’ve been a great admirer of your work with the Exx-Sea-Ho sue-em-all campaign. In fact we here at the RIAA have watched with admiration your brilliant tactics. By the way, is there actually any proprietary code in the kernel?

Ha ha, that’s the beauty of it Scum. It doesn’t even matter. We’re making money from a rival OS company and all we really have to do is create a climate of fear that destroys the market. That’s why I’ve been so anxious to talk to you. I think you could give me some tips on how to proceed. In fact, I’ve never seen a market destroyed so thoroughly, so fast by anyone ever before.

I’m blushing here B.Luster, I really am. Your words mean a lot to me.

Scum! Scum!

Yes BlackJack?

That’s not the only reason I want you two to talk. B.Luster has a plan that can make us all billionaires many times over in legal fees and we want you on board!

Well, I think I’ll have to say yes to that BlackJack. This RIAA gig is starting to unravel. The Big Five are starting to question whether suing themselves out of existence is their best course of action. In fact it’s getting harder and harder to convince them those market surveys we keep sending them saying their customers love to be sued and it makes them want to buy even more, even higher priced cd’s, are true. Can you believe that?

Yeah, I guess you had to figure they’d wake up sooner or latter. But listen, about this new deal of B.Luster’s.

Right BlackJack, I’ll take it from here. Scum! Here’s the bare bones of it. We’ve cloned Noah Webster and we’re going to sue everybody who’s using any of the words in his dictionary for copyright infringement!

What! How can you do that? Noah Webster! What does he have to say about your plan?

That’s the beauty of it Scum. He can’t say anything! All we’ve got is a lump of cloned flesh on life support. We can keep it alive forever! Think of it Scum. Think of it. The lawsuits, the legal fees! Why this is something we can pass down to our childrens’ children. Perpetual copyright! We’ll be rich forever!

[Stunned Scum can only begin to imagine the awesome possibilities. Idly he fiddles with the remote control of his stereo.]

…and so a solemn farewell was said to the thirteen Weathermen lost during the hurricane that devastated the east coast. You may remember, eleven were washed out to sea and two were involved in a fatal head-on crash with mandatory evacuees trying to leave the affected costal area. This is Ned Nation, your National Network News reporter saying: You folks will be missed. Not just for the way you took it in the face with hundred mile an hour raindrops, but for your brave willingness to go wherever your story assignment editors told you to go.

[Jingle] People try to put us d-down. Talking ‘bout my generation. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics: Be a genuine rebel with RIAA copyright music. All the music there is.

[Jingle] Hope I die before I get old. Talking ‘bout my generation. [Jingle]

In the news today: RIAA announces new proprietary audio format. Details to follow as they become available…

[Well… Will Scum jump the RIAA ship? Will the RIAA’s new proprietary audio format save them? Can all the words in Noah Webster’s dictionary be successfully copyright protected? Will Scum have children? Should Scum have children?
For the answer to these and other questions: Stay tuned to this website for further details.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

2003-09-29T00:39:00.000-07:00

Entertainment
by justed

Gigli (“rhymes with really”)

There was a lot of controversy surrounding the release of the movie Gigli (2003). To me it all seemed to occur before the movie came out in release. And suddenly it was over before it even began: panned, bombed, dead before it even opened.

This of course amongst contrarians is like a red flag to a bull.

Can the movie really be so awful that it isn’t even released? Or in this case Gigli, released to a much more limited number of screens than originally planned?

Well, there’s a market segment that is known as straight to video. Usually it’s planned that way and can be very profitable. Production values may be poorer. Actors may be lesser knowns. Budgets are usually lower: hence the profitability.

Apparently Gigli was not intended to go straight to video. The production values (all the technical details that make a movie) seem good. Bad or poor production values can become an irritating disruption to the enjoyment of a movie.

The stars of Gigli (Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez) don’t come cheap. They are not lesser knowns.

Could it have been the budget of Gigli? Was that the problem? The sets seemed inexpensive, the costuming cheap. But, I don’t think so.

I think the problem with Gigli, is that it is too far removed from the fantasy world glitter that is Tinseltown Hollywood.

Gigli is a brave (for Hollywood) break from the typical typecasting that is so insidious as to be practically unnoticed in Hollywood movies.

Ben Affleck plays a mobster with a style that is a pale imitation of John Travolta’s Vincent Vega character (Pulp Fiction, 1994) breakout role. But without the sense of menace that Travolta brought to the role.

Jennifer Lopez portrays an intelligent woman of complex character.

However neither follow the script of movie fantasy cliché that Hollywood churns out typically. Consequently, without being forewarned, Gigli (written by Martin Brest) demands a more insightful appreciation than anticipated.

This is not a bad thing. But the movie that results unfortunately (in this case Gigli), is not a good thing.

Still, if you want to see something that shocks with its nonconformity to current Political Correctness, that adds a different view to what movies can be, (and you’re prepared for it), check out Gigli.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale (bad/poor/neutral/good/excellent scale) I’d say: n.

2003-09-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

[The ongoing tale of the unfair trials and tribulations suffered by a poor orphan of humble beginnings, who thru honest hard work rose to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the RIAA. (Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics)
As our story opens…]

This is Ned Nation your National News Network, national reporter with all the news we feel fit to tell you.

[Jingle] Yes-ter-day all your troubles seemed so far away. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics: Amnesty is good; believe us, believe it!

[Jingle] Yes-ter-day all your troubles seemed so far away. [Jingle]

In the news today Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics’ longtime spokesperson, Scumbucket McGreedy announced today: The new version of the Pledge of Allegiance is ready. And this reporter, in another Ned Nation Exclusive Scoop can tell you: The new wording is better. Listen to this:

I pledge allegiance to the RIAA of the United States of ameRI(k)AA, and to the Corporations for which it stands: one Rule under Money, indivisible by Liberty or Justice, now and forever more. Amen.

Folks it brings a tear to this old reporters eye to hear how these Magnificent Corporations have taken it upon themselves to bring their ability to improve things into our humdrum everyday lives. And, best of all, in a truly outstanding gesture of Corporate Benevolence: They wave their copyright to the words! So now we can all recite them any time we want to!

Folks, it just doesn’t get any better than that!

[Jingle] Sus-spish-on: torments my heart. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics: We know where you live: You’re computers belong to us.

[Jingle] Sus-spish-on: torments my heart. [Jingle]

In other news: Legislators vow to unanimously mandate that The New Pledge of Allegiance be said at every gathering of two or more people. While still unaware of the actual words…

[brrrrp… brrrrp]

Scum it’s for you!

All right L’arse; got it! Hello? Hello?

Scum, I’ve just shipped out those clones you wanted.

BlackJack! That’s great! Hasn’t come a moment too soon. So, tell me, can any of them walk and chew gum at the same time?

No, and that’s one of the reasons I called: One of them can’t walk or chew gum. You’ll have to make him a drummer. Fans love it when the drummer’s a bit slower than the rest of the group. In fact it’s an institution!

(Chuckle) Yeah, I know BlackJack. But can he keep a beat? That last one we made a drummer couldn’t even beat his meat! We had to edit tape speeds like crazy just to make the video look like he had rhythm!

(Chuckle) Yeah, you’re right Scum. That was a piece of work. But hey, just throw in more naked flesh; you know that always works. Maybe have some girl on girl, you know, like that what’s-her-name, Queen Bodice?

Princess? You mean Princess? That was just to make her boyfriend jealous. She wanted to get back at him for saying he’d used her Cha-cha, that’s all. That and keep her career alive (chuckle).

That’s not what I hear Scum, I hear she’s busy cruising for every over-the-hill dyke superstar she can get her lips on. Something about resenting being his beard. But that’s not important. Listen, I want to put B. Luster Blubberbutt on the line. He’s a lawyer and I think you should hear what he has to say.

Hello? Hello? Scumbucket McGreedy? This is B. Luster Blubberbutt.

[Well… Who is B. Luster Blubberbutt? And does Scumbucket McGreedy ‘a poor orphan of humble beginnings, who thru honest hard work rose to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the RIAA’ want to hear what he has to say? And what happened to Scum’s lawyers, DS&H (Dewey, Soowhim and Howe)?
For the answer to these and other questions: Stay tuned to this website for further details.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

2003-09-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

Entertainment
by justed

It’s been said (Edmund Burke 1729 – 1797) all it takes “…is for good men to do nothing.”

Once upon a time on a little mudball the locals refer to as Earth there was a global war that included just about everybody possible. For some reason the locals insisted on calling it World War Two even though it was not the second time they had attempted global warfare. Still, sticking with the terms of reference of the inhabitants, in the midst of all the insanity, one question (of many) stood tall.

How could an estimated 6 million (or more) people calmly allow themselves to be herded to their deaths in what became known as The Holocaust?

Organizations of large masses of people are best served by respect for the rules and laws of the society they form. The majority of people, for the most part, understand this intuitively. This is called being civilized.

But there can come a time when rules and law are allowed to take on some mystique far greater than their original functionality. Frequently the majority of people fail to see the early seeds of cultural rot this represents. This is called being stupid.

That a group of civilized people, who had a high regard for the necessity and practicality of rule of law would find themselves manipulated by a vile force of people willing to twist and pervert law to their own ends is not surprising, is not stupid, is not ‘Hollywood’ fiction. But rather, is a reflection of the good, the decency, the intelligent, that is civilized man (in the catchall men and women sense of the word.) However as World War Two proved, this is tragic.

For a better sense of the Folly of Man in movies, no better examples can be found than: Schindler’s List (1993) directed by Steven Spielberg, and Life is Beautiful (La Vita e bella - 1997) directed by Roberto Benigni. These films are horror films, not in the horror genre sense, but rather in the real world this can’t happen here grittiness of reality.

For a better sense of the Folly of Man in reality: look at the RIAA Amnesty program.

Or simply look around you.

2003-09-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

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(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

[The ongoing tale of the unreasonable trials and tribulations faced by a poor but honest boy of humble beginnings, who thru hard work rose to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the RIAA. (Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics)
As our story opens…]

This is Ned Nation your National News Network, national reporter with all the news fit to be told.

[Jingle] R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what your music means to me. Mon-ey! [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics: the fine folks who own all your music.

[Jingle] R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what your music means to me. Mon-ey! [Jingle]

In the news today Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics’ longtime spokesperson, Scumbucket McGreedy announced that contracts with all major television networks finalizing plans for public branding of suspected Pirates have been signed. McGreedy said: They were actually eager to work with us and are looking forward to many episodes of the New Reality.

Details remain sketchy at this time but it is thought that all televised brandings of suspected Preteen Pirates will be restricted to the letter “P” burned into their foreheads. Current plans call for televising suspected Preteen Pirate branding during daytime hours with the more serious offenders; suspected Preteens’ Pirate Parents and suspected Pensioner Pirates scheduled for the early evening family viewing time slots.

This reporter was unable to confirm rumors of late night nude buttock branding of suspected college age Pirates but insiders at the Schlock Network say there is favorable buzz circulating in the network, and expectations are high.

McGreedy went on to say: This will make it easier to spot suspected Pirates if and when they ever get out of the new state run MPAA Pirate Prisons. Asked for further details, McGreedy refused to comment saying only that details would be made available soon.

Well this is Ned Nation your National News Network reporter saying: Good work Scum, it’s fine people like you and the wonderful television network executives that makes America what it is today.

[Jingle] Money can’t buy everything, it’s true. Find out what we won’t sell to you. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics: Have you paid for your music again yet?

[Jingle] Money can’t buy everything, it’s true. Find out what we won’t sell to you. [Jingle]

In other news: Workers demand CEO’s take immediate pay raises. Larger stock options too say angry workers protesting on Wall Street.

[BUZZZTTT]

Yes, what is it Princess?

Scummykins? I think I’ve got BlackJack Balloonhead on the line.

(chuckle)

Well put him on put him on. And don’t call me Scummykins, call me Scum, everybody does. BlackJack, BlackJack is that you?

(CHUCKLE) Yes Scum I’m here. I see you’re still using that girl what’s-her-name? Princess Bodice?

Princess Boadicea, Princess Boadicea and that’s part of why I’m calling.

What? Is she breaking down already? It’s only been a few years she should be good for four or five years more at least.

That’s what I mean we’re having to pull out all the stops on this one and she’s still barely fresh out of the box.

Ha, ha, I like that barely fresh out of the box (chortle, cough, wheeze). You mean that business of getting America to focus on her Cha-cha instead of her talent: keep them guessing whether her Cha-cha’s still untouched (chortle, cough, wheeze). Scum you are a marketing genius.

Aw it’s not genius BlackJack, you know it’s right out of the manual How To Suck America’s Money: Chapter One. You should know, you old Vampire, after all you wrote the book!

And is she still taking care of Willy the One-eyed Wonder Weasel for you? I hear she can suck-start a Harley?

Blackjack, that’s not why I called you, It’s about the new batch of clones, when will they be ready? I don’t think the last batch is going to last much longer and we’ve got to have something!

Now don’t worry Scum, I told you each batch we make is only half as good as the last batch. We’ve moved up the production schedule and we’ll have them sent to you as soon as they can walk and chew gum at the same time.

BlackJack is it really necessary to have them that intelligent? Can’t we just have them able to walk or chew gum? I mean it’s not as if we need brain surgeons here, this is the Music Industry for gawds sakes! They just need to look good.

OK Scum, I’ll see what I can do for you. I’ll get back to you Monday, how’s that?

Sure, BlackJack, sure but just don’t let this go too long, after all: America needs its music!

[CLICK]

[click]

Princess! Princess was that you? Were you listening in on the line?

[Was Princess listening in on the line? Did she figure out how to use the phone? And who is B. Luster Blubberbutt? And does Scumbucket McGreedy ‘a poor but honest boy of humble beginnings, who thru hard work rose to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics’ want to talk to him? And will Scum ever get to talk to his lawyers, DS&H?
For the answer to these and other questions: Stay tuned to this website for further details.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

2003-09-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

.
(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

[Further tales of the trials and tribulations of a poor but honest boy of humble beginnings, who worked hard to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the RIAA. (Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics)
As our story opens…]

This is Ned Nation your National Network News, national reporter with all the news fit to be told.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by the RIAA; fine owners of other peoples creativity since before you’re allowed (by copyright) to know.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

In the news today the RIAA’s longtime spokesperson, Scumbucket McGreedy announced that Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics would continue its aggressive stance of suing “Pirates”. And that having now put to rest the “welcome”, and “never inappropriate” concerns of house-sitter… err… make that Senator Lapdogg, “we can now get back to business as usual”.

You may remember, Senator Lapdogg the hard-hitting house-sitter currently seeking his third term in the office his father vacated after thirty-two years of distinguished service, had previously threatened to “take those RIAA folk and give them a good talkin’ to” if there was “any hint of suspicion that they weren’t acting in a fair, reasonable and evenhanded way.”

Well this reporter can only say: It’s a good thing we have hardworking people serving us in Washington like Senator Lapdogg who’s seeking his third term in office representing the fine State of Confusion in this November’s upcoming election. And isn’t it good to hear that Senator Lapdogg’s PAC has surpassed its goal of raising 200 million dollars with some last minute campaign contributions from so many of the Senator’s eager supporters.

There’s just no telling what sort of mess this fine country would be in if Pirates were to continue to run roughshod over our sacred institutions. That’s just one reporter’s opinion, but I know I speak for concerned citizens everywhere when I say: Good job Lapdogg!

In other news: New accounting scandal rocks nation. Today for the third time this week a major industry has been rocked by allegations of financial double-dealing…

[CLICK]

“Hello, DS&H, how may I direct your call?”

“This is Scumbucket McGreedy of the RIAA, put me thru to Mr. Dewey.”

“I’m sorry sir, Mr. Dewey is not available. Can I direct your call to someone else?”

“Yes, put Mr. Soowhim on the line, I’ll talk to him.”

“I’m sorry Mr. McGreedy, Mr. Soowhim is in Washington on important business dealing with some Seat Fillers. Can I put you thru to someone else?”

“Put me thru to Howe then.”

“I’m terribly sorry Mr. McGreedy, but Mr. Howe has an important meeting to appear before the Ethics Committee on a matter of possible ethics violation and is currently unavailable.”

“Couldn’t he have sent someone else?”

“I’m sorry Mr. McGreedy but this is the Law Society’s Ethics Committee. They were threatening to disbar him, he had to attend.”

“You mean Dewey, Soowhim and Howe are all unavailable?”

“That’s right Mr. McGreedy, can I have one of them call you at the first available opportunity?”

“Yes, you do that.”

[SLAM]

[Poor Scumbucket, foiled at every turn in his efforts to do some serious one-on-one with his lawyers. He pauses, idly fiddling with the remote control of his stereophonic radio as he plans his next move… Silent minutes pass…]

[CLICK]

“Princess!”

“Yes Mr. McGreedy?”

“Call me Scum, everybody does. Get me BlackJack Balloonhead, put him through right away. And Princess?”

“Yes Scum?”

“I’ll have to cancel our twelve o’clock, something’s come up.”

“Oh Scummykins! Shall I come right in and take care of it?”

“No! That’s not what I mean. We’ll just have to skip our twelve o’clock entirely today.”

“Oh Scummykins, do we have to?”

“I told you: Don’t call me Scummykins! Just call me Scum, everybody does. What if someone overheard you call me Scummykins?”

“But there’s no-one here to hear you, they just left.”

“Who just left? Never mind! Just get me BlackJack Balloonhead on the phone and put him through right away!”

“Yes dear.”

[SLAM]

…and isn’t that just like a CEO of a Big Important Industry? (chuckle) Always willing to do the right thing.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by the RIAA; fine owners of other peoples creativity since before you’re allowed (by copyright) to know.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

In other news today: Buy Before You Try – No Refunds, the record chain that boasts it has stores in every town of more than 1000 people, announces a restructuring.

As of today all cashier staff associates are now being reassigned to security detail except one per shift. Followers of BBYT-NR may remember cashier associates just recently accepted a 15% wage rollback

BBYT-NR spokesperson McSqueeze Emtill Ubleed said: We’ve created a new work category we call Pirate Popper Associates. Each reassigned cashier will be equipped with a semi-automatic rifle and stationed on the roof of our stores authorized to shoot all Pirates.

While admitting this will result in a slight wage rollback, Ubleed went on to say: We feel the difference will more than be made up by the bounty we’ll be paying on each Pirate shot.

When asked how these new sub-minimum wage bounty hunters would be able to distinguish Pirates from the normal stream of American shoppers, Ubleed insisted strict rules would be followed and any deviation would result in severe reprimand, docked wages and two weeks working probation.

Added BBYT-NR’s Ubleed: We know them when we see them! If they haven’t been in our stores within the last week and bought some cd, any cd for Pete’s sake, then we know they’re Pirates! And our Pirate Popper Associates will shoot them accordingly.

Well this is Ned Nation your National News Network reporter saying: It’s about time that someone took the courageous stand of the Buy Before You Try – No Refunds chain of stores. Personally this reporter can’t think of why more stores haven’t done this sooner.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

This news is brought to you by the RIAA; fine owners of other peoples creativity since before you’re allowed (by copyright) to know.

[Jingle] You’ll wonder where your money went, when you allow yourself to get totally bent, Ov-er. [Jingle]

In other news: Pension fund losses mount as new accounting scandal grows…

[CLICK]

“Princess, have you got that call thru to BlackJack Balloonhead yet?”

“No Scummykins, I’m still looking for the phone. Have you seen it? Maybe I should just use my cell?”

“Princess, Princess, what do you think you’re holding in your hand?”

“Oh Scummykins, does this mean our nooner isn’t postponed after all?”

[SLAM]

[Will Princess get her nooner after all? Will she figure out how to use the phone? And who is BlackJack Balloonhead? And why does Scumbucket McGreedy “poor but honest boy of humble beginnings, who worked hard to become one of the highest-ranking officials in the Rats Infesting American Audio-phonics” want to talk to him? And will Scum ever get to talk to his lawyers, DS&H?
For the answer to these and other questions: Stay tuned to this website for further details.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

2003-09-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

Entertainment

by justed

They must be doing something right in Hollywood

Belphegor - Le fantome du Louvre or as it's known in its English dub version Belphegor, Phantom of the Louvre is a production of Le Studio Canal+

Is it also the future of Universal Movie Studios?

I've seen it and I'm scared.

You might recognize Le Studio Canal+ I've seen the possible future of Universal they're the French Company that produces television and movies that Universal-Vivendi isn't offering to General Electric's NBC subsidiary in a proposed deal that would see NBC and Universal-Vivendi create a new company.

Vivendi has been under a great deal of pressure to reduce a crippling debt that after a series of questionable acquisitions in a number of relatively unrelated areas threatened to bankrupt it totally. Many observers have remarked that the deal's dynamics allow for a certain amount of cherry picking on the part of GE (NBC).

Missing from this proposed takeover of the old Universal are the Universal Music assets. Does GE know something it's not telling the rest of us? Is Universal Music as it's now organized (its current business model) something GE doesn't foresee generating a profit? Does GE see no way to repair (to fix) Universal Music? Is Universal Music's business model irretrievably broke?

And yet, GE does see value in acquiring Universal Movies. Does this mean GE sees a way to gain greater value from the acquisition than the cost to acquire it? That's usually the reason to buy. And GE is a very astute mega-corporation.

Well if so, does this mean Universal was broke but, can be fixed? and what was broke?

See: inept insertions, clumsily executed insertions, of Heineken beer placemats (they can't be coasters, beer mugs aren't that big) held in hands and waved, repeatedly!

See: every special effect paid for (and they really are kind of neat), every special effect used fully for every second that was produced, whether or not its lengthy duration detracts from the film (and it does).

Hear: plot exposition crammed into brief monologues that pass with shotgun speed and could be (but weren't) developed through plot action. It's like listening to a talking book, not watching a movie.

Watch as shotgun toting guards run around patrolling the Louvre! (like I'm sure that's ever going to happen, protect the place by shooting up the contents!)

Listen, to snide (traditional?) resentful remarks about the British.

Be stroked; by left-handed compliments of 'equal to the American, which is State of the Art'.

I've seen the possible future of Universal Movie Studios (Belphegor, Phantom of the Louvre) and I am scared. The only horror in this movie is the horror of this movie.

They must be doing something right in Hollywood.

I agree.

They MUST.

But what?

2003-09-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

(On this, the fortieth anniversary of the famous “I have a dream” speech, I feel motivated to share some of my dreams.)

I (too) have a dream

At no other time in recorded history has the promise of world hegemony been more near to actual realization: At no other time in history has the horror of total world subjugation been closer to fulfillment.

I hear the cries of anguish. I see the acts of reaction to the forces that seem to threaten the future hope of all human freedom for all time to come. The pain and suffering of individuals affected by the economic rationalization of human labor throughout the globe has not fallen silent on my ears. The brief advantage this has afforded some few who are best able to profit from opportunities of living in a global economy, who can play regions one against another for their own advantage, has not escaped my eye.

But I live in another world, a world where the people of all regions achieve a growing standard of living that comes about from this same economic rationalization, finally.

And I dream of a time on this planet when war will be seen as a crime of thuggery, no less than any crime of violence, holdup, mugging. I dream of a time when people won’t be the victims of disadvantage: exploited merely because they are there and available to exploit. Yet also a time when political conduct will not be so restrictive, so onerous as to incite the cry of outrage that is armed rebellion.

I dream of a time when one’s beliefs or lack of beliefs will not be cause to violate other peoples’ freedom. A time when all may be free in their ability to express their joy in living. A time when there may be joy in living for all.

I dream of a time on this planet when anybody from anywhere, can travel freely to anywhere, and be safe about their person, free from the threat of violence, holdup, mugging.

I dream of a world where the air is clean, the water can be drunk, a world that has trees and plants that are healthy and lush. A world where there is no fear plants will not be able to reproduce themselves.

I dream of a world that has freely provided its legacy to all without some restrictive chokehold being held by narrow minds for shortsighted advantage. A world that takes advantage of the opportunities for the free flow of information and communication: not a world that tries to take a stranglehold on information and communication. A world where it is seen as more selfish to protect and ensure the legacy of all for all than to garner some pitiful private advantage, and everyone is selfish.

And whether or not reincarnation exists, I dream of a world that I would like to be born into, no matter to whom I am born nor where I am born nor when.

justed

2003-09-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

Entertainment

by justed

Ever wonder why movies are so disposable?

The problem (amongst perhaps many) with movie theaters is that they typically have to pay Hollywood 90%, even 100% of their first week's gross (FIRST WEEK'S GROSS). And on a slowly decreasing scale a lesser percentage of the gross, over the weeks of the 'run'.

Also, frequently deals are made to tie in the showing of other movies as a condition of 'getting' Blockbusters. This helps ensure showings of lesser works and is a result of the leverage Blockbusters create for the studios - and it's why you see some real dogs available at your local multiplex.

Consequently movie chains make a greater profit through sale of confectionaries (soda pop, popcorn, etc) than the actual movie (unless it runs for an extended time, at which point the cost can become as low as 10% of the gross).

Is it any wonder, then, that movie-going costs can more than double the ticket price if you buy confectionaries?

Another consequence of this Hollywood business model is the pressure it puts on the distributors (movie studios) to ensure the largest opening (most screens) possible to get the quickest return on investment.

Unfortunately, some bean counter once figured out: if you spend enough to advertise you can suck in enough people the first weekend to cover your production costs. At no time does any consideration of actual movie quality play a part. It's all a numbers game.

With no incentive to produce works of any lasting merit, with everything being about the immediacy of the weekend's gross, the result, the way it's currently set up, is the super-hyped, big budget 'smash-em-up' that has become the industry's financial ticket to success.

Ever wonder why movies are so disposable - why it seems they have a staying power that can be measured in minutes rather than weeks? Did you think it was just simple incompetence?

The answer is: that in the Beancounter world of Hollywood, it's really all about the money: actual content has nothing to do with the business of making movies, and it shows.

justed

2003-09-06T09:46:00.000-07:00

Smoking in Movies: Smoking on Screen

When is a Sleazebag not a sleaze bag?

Is it when they pat babies on the head? Is it when they love puppies and kittens?

Is it when they don’t succumb to the unwritten imperative of orchestrated “peer pressure”?

The movie industry is made up of human beings (gee, just like life.) Within the movie industry exist people who; smoke, who haven’t succumbed to the anti-smoking “bandwagon” and who haven’t yet been infected with a desire to re-write other people’s lives. No doubt most of them realize that it’s better to maintain a low profile because they are becoming the pariahs of our current age.

It was in an age of historical intolerance that the holocaust occurred.

Which holocaust?

Any HOLOCAUST !

This willingness to “only pick on the people who REALLY deserve it” is exactly the slippery slope that leads to ANY holocaust.

The willingness to “only pick on them within the legal limits of legislation” has no validity. Skateboarding control and regulation laws, DMCA, “social engineering” by taxation and regulation, ALL are just different ways to get people ready to accept intolerance.

People who see this dynamic as a viable career choice are the product of an education that has bleached the meaning out of the lessons of history.

But, if you look at the imposition of “control” and recognize: you are being asked to live your life to someone else’s standards.

And you will be forever dependent on someone else for permission and direction on just how you may live your life.

Then suddenly you realize: All these people who are making a career out of controlling how you live your life, have taken away your free will. And you are damned on Earth, before you even get a chance to be “damned” in Hell.

There are some few things that a society to protect itself must do. That number of things is far less than the number of things that our society currently tells us we must do.

The belief that “I’M all right: but YOU need to be regulated” is enabled by the sowing of fear.

But it is also based on fear: Do you want to have your life ruled by hysterical Fearmongers?

Personally, I don’t.

2003-09-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Entertainment

by justed

Is there any debate about it?

It didn’t start out that way, but the idea of mechanically reproduced projected pictures (moving pictures) dramatically changed world culture as we don’t know it.

Originally, like most ideas, it was just another low cost way to expand profits.

Putting on live shows (Vaudeville, plays etc.) was limited by the size of the audience you could squeeze into the size of the building (the venue). And worse (from the promoter’s viewpoint) the human toll of performing, limited performances to perhaps five or six per day.

So amongst other revolutionary facets of the new technology of motion pictures was unlimited numbers of performances at multiple venues simultaneously that never need suffer from artist fatigue (uneven quality). And all for the cost of one performance payment to the artists!

In fact, one performance could be shown multiple numbers of times and always be the same.

It’s somewhat hard to imagine today, but there was an ancillary effect to people in widely diverse geographic locations all seeing the same performance.

It’s human nature to adapt from the world around you elements of what you experience into your personal life. With the novelty and fascination of the new medium of moving pictures people in all parts of the nation had a universal touchstone with which to compare their attitudes and ideas.

You might be for it or against it but either way the images and ideas of the silver screen entered the public consciousness and became part of the unconscious ongoing public zeitgeist (the spirit of the age).

Some movies had great impact on there age, movies that today it is hard to imagine having the sociological impact of their time that they did.

You’ve probably heard stories of the first use of swear words (the word damn) in the movie Gone With the Wind (1939), it’s pretty much everyone’s favorite example of deeds of cinematic daring. Today of course with use of words like mo’fo’ that’s pretty much a joke. But it was consciousness shattering in its time.

Whether it was “art imitating life” or “life directed by art” is so stupidly moronic I won’t even comment. But it was a great raging debate in its time.

You may even have heard of the D.W. Griffith movies Intolerance (1916), or The Birth of a Nation (1915) two films that had a major psychological impact on the nascent American collective consciousness. Keep in mind these films were seen by veterans of the Civil War (who were in their seventies) whose memories and passions would’ve been reawakened by these movies. And so debate was enjoined.

Did you realize that sexual appeal (something that has always existed) was brought to public debate (made legitimate to discuss and was widely discussed by all and sundry – not just by the self-appointed arbiters of acceptable discourse) through the glamorization of Actress Clara Bow “The It Girl” (It (1927)) during the pre-depression-era height of the stock market bubble?

There, does that give you some hint of the awesomeness of the historical impact of movies on our collective consciousness?

Now think, the equivalent today would be WW II vets watching Jar Jar Binks of Star Wars: Episodes 1 and 2 for example.

Somehow I don’t think marketing campaign add-ons merit the same degree of debate.

Though it does seen to raise the larger question of the bean counter world that movies have become.

2003-09-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

The preposterous claims of the RIAA: “All your music, she belong to us.”

And the gall of Fox Television: “Only Fox can say; Fair AND Balanced” exceeds any normal persons credulity.

In law, trademarked words have NOTHING to do with reality. It’s silly, but it’s true.

In fact, it’s as if a Nevada brothel trademarked “Pure and Chaste” or the RC Church “Homosexual Pedophile Ring” (Whoops.)

Guess you’ll never get a “Fox tm.” reaction from me.

I guess I’ll just never be able to be serious in the face of such idiocy – for very long.

2003-08-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

Entertainment
By justed

Parents who watch their child growing up witness the awakening of the cognitive fascination that stacking blocks (creating something) brings.

Along with the development of motor skills, block stacking and assembly represents one of the first acts of creative influence upon the environment a child experiences as the first step in what will hopefully be a long life of interaction with the world.

But there's an earlier stage of mental growth, before the child's motor skills have developed. At this point the child's greatest discovery is the ability to interact with its environment by destroying the carefully stacked blocks that a loving parent has patiently assembled.

Movie reviewers, at first glance, may seem to be stuck in that childlike world of: helpless to create - only best able to contribute by destroying.

But the process of growth includes death, destruction and decay.

That isn't to say movies of the post-Apocalyptic genre are simplistic, infantile works of childish destruction appealing to the earliest memories of childhood frustration at the inability to change the world.

Rather, they suggest that the bleak portrayal of a world without hope resonates with some of the earliest childhood memories of helplessness we all share, at some inarticulate level of remembrance.

Movie: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Being the third in a series holds some pitfalls: on the one hand you know everybody knows the 'back story' but on the other, you pay some slight lip service to the idea they might need to 'brush-up' on a few of the details. But since plot isn't terribly important, being more of a contrivance for bigger and better, more expensive orgies of destruction (and shouldn't get in the way of all that mayhem), little attention seems to be paid to it. Consequently, it comes as no surprise that Terminator 3 fails to work as an independent production (a common failing of sequels). Years from now, this movie will only make sense when viewed with Terminator and T2.

Which raises two questions:

1) In the ever increasing race to spend the most money to destroy the most stuff in the most spectacular fashion, at what point will the national budget, the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of some third world country, be exceeded by the budget of destruction of one of these mega-movies? Or has it already happened? And,

2) Given that the Terminator that killed the kid (don't ask), has become corrupted and reboots, isn't it kind of massively stupid to accept unquestioned that upon its return it means no harm?

The message of this movie: The machines will try to take over. But it's too late.

The machines have taken over. Where once they were human, they've become soul-less bean counters which now measure movies in terms of money, both spent and grossed.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale (bad/poor/neutral/good/excellent scale) I'd have to say: Action effects 'x' (if kind of predictable), but plot 'p.'

2003-08-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

Entertainment

By justed

Have you ever read a movie review, gone to see the movie and ended up asking yourself - 'What movie did those reviewers see?'?

The answer is simple: reviewers receive movie promo packages from the distributors. Sometimes you can tell the lazy reviewer didn't even watch the free preview screener, or at least not closely enough to realize the movie promo bumpf included details of edited out scenes.

So instead of asking, 'Where did they get those details from?'? I'm going to present frequent reviews of movies, television and the state of the industry generally without the mindless rah-rah of reviewers whose hidden agenda is to blindly suck up to the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) otherwise known as 'Hollywood.'?

Movie: Wrong Turn
For those who like the horror of the cannibal degenerates feeding on helpless humanity genre, this movie is for you ; ) If you liked Freddy Krueger, although you could also like Wrong Turn, you could equally be disappointed by the lack of suspense.

Each genre has its conventions, which this one follows:

Plot: Young twenty-somethings lost in the woods, threatened by a subhuman clan of hillbilly cannibals who profit by the total reclamation of all their victims' possessions, which they haven't gotten around to disposing of yet.
Sex: Implied, but not too graphically. (But in this genre that’s not graphically enough.)
Horror: Glimpses of mangled corpses, but only glimpses (which, in this genre, is insufficient by its conventions - not enough in other words.)
Explosions: always good to spice up any movie (and this movie needed them) plus, the ever popular ˜I killed you but you're not dead yet' back to life of the defeated bad guys," if only for the briefest of moments.

So all in all you'd think that in a genre that doesn't demand much of itself, that this would be considered a 'good' movie.

I'd disagree, however, because the plot unfolds in a straight line; stumble upon bad guys, get threatened by bad guys, run from bad guys, kill bad guys.

The only interesting thing of note is the appearance of 'Faith' from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but even that, in a roll that requires no acting talent, is of no great value.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale (bad/poor/neutral/good/excellent scale) I'd have to say: Given the technical quality of the production and being a fan of the genre this movie rates a 'g'? with disappointment that it wasn't better.

Movie: Charlies Angels: Full Throttle
It's kind of hard to imagine just what kind of world the MPAA lives in when it sees Charlies Angels 2 and decides; 'MPAA: Rated PG-13 for action violence, sensuality and language/innuendo.'

Better, it should rate this movie 'Warning, if you think this is a movie, boy have we got a deal for you.'

Anyone familiar with mst3k (Mystery Science Theatre 3000) will find this movie hilarious in a way the filmmakers never intended. But once you've seen it, you'll see why: It should go straight to mst3k, Do Not pass go, Do Not collect $200.

Unfortunately 'Hollywood' (MPAA) stopped licensing movies to mst3k. (They didn't like having fun made of themselves or their movies). So unless we can send this bunch of exposed film back in time to somewhere before Sept 1999 (Sci-Fi Channel's last mst3k episode), we'll never get to see this movie the way it deserves to be seen.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale I'd have to say even with the female skin, this movie rates a 'p'? '“ at least until a reworked mst3k version (at which point it could be an 'x'?).

Movie: Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
This movie has one enormous impediment that I'd describe thus; too frilly, too sugary, and too pink. But - that's the franchise.

However, if you can overcome this obstacle, it's an otherwise a light, enjoyable movie that's hidden under its sappy plot a very telling point (of elected legislators who are credited as starting out to 'make things better' yet become so bogged down in process and so concerned with remaining in office to 'make things better' they loose sight of the result: they aren't making things better.)

It also, much to the disgust of most MPAA flacks (reviewers), suggests that change can be affected by the people - the great unwashed (in this case the 'Valley Girls' of the new millennium), something nobody wants to see happen, except the great unwashed.

So on the b/p/n/g/x scale I'd rate this movie a definite 'g'? in spite of its overly sweetness.

2003-08-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

We’re here at the lovely 15-acre home of Mr. Scumbucket McGreedy, noted RIAA spokesperson and anti-filesharing advocate to discuss the state of the RIAA’s new Sue Everybody Policy Initiative.

Interviewer: Mr. McGreedy, thank you for this opportunity to speak with you. And may I say what a lovely home you have here with this wonderful view of the ocean.

McGreedy: Call me Scum, everybody does. I hope you don’t mind doing this here by the outdoor pool.

Interviewer: Not at all Mr. Ah… Scum.

McGreedy: I thought it would be better than the office, and it’s not my day of the week to go into town anyway, chauffeur’s day off. Damn Pirate! Here, can I get you a drink? L’arse, L’arse! Be a good boy and get me two Slow Comfortable Screws! Hurry up! Chop Chop!

Interviewer: Is that? Isn’t that…? I mean….?

McGreedy: Yes, when I don’t have him suing his fans, I use him as my pool boy. Looks good in that thong doesn’t he?

Interviewer: Well… umm… Scum, let me ask you about the Sue Everybody Policy. I understand you’ve got thousands of subpoenas going out to people of all ages all across the country?

McGreedy: That’s right. We’ve been very successful! Why Pirate user numbers on KaZaa alone are down by over 1,000,000!

Interviewer: But Scum, what does that have to do with copyright infringement?

McGreedy: Piracy! It’s all about Piracy! Those Freebooters are cutting into our action! And we won’t stand for it! I’ll have them keelhauled! Keelhauled I tell you! I’ll make them all walk the plank! Feed them to the sharks, that’s my motto. Feed them to the sharks!

[I was beginning to sense that this was not the first Slow Comfortable Screw of Scumbucket’s day]

Interviewer: Mr. McGreedy, won’t the number of people using KaZaa be unrelated to the number of copyright infringers?

McGreedy: Call me Scum, everybody does. Pirates! They’re all Pirates! Where’s that damn L’arse with my Slow Comfortable Screw? L’arse!

Interviewer: So you mean, you’re telling me, if people run KaZaa… even if they’re not sharing any files… you’ll see the number of users as a direct rebuke of you’re Sue Everybody Initiative?

McGreedy: L’arse! Damn that boy, probably into the liquor again. Pirates! You know he used to be a Pirate? Used to be a Pirate till we fixed him! Fixed him good! Pirates!

Interviewer: You mean he encouraged fans to share his music?

McGreedy: Pirates! All damn Pirates! We fixed him and we’ll fix them. Damn Pirates!

Interviewer: I’m not sure what you mean… ah… Scum…?

McGreedy: Fixed him. Cut off his balls. Just like we’ll cut off the balls of all those other pirates!

[Sensing a possible headline, and in spite of the ugly sight of a loud fat drunken overweight slob being the source, your intrepid interviewer pressed on.]

Interviewer: “Cut off their balls”?

McGreedy: Right! Cut off their balls! Get to them when they’re just starting out. Grab them when they’re just beginning they’re education at university and cut off their balls! Pirates! Keelhaul the lot of them! Pirates! We’ll fix them!

Interviewer: Do you mean… ah… Scum, do you mean this new initiative to work with universities to educate students on the legalities of copyright infringement?

McGreedy: Pirates! Hilary was right! Cut of their balls! Pirates! Take all their money and if they have any left for school, cut off their balls! L’arse! L’arse honey; bring me my Slow Comfortable Screw! That’s a good boy!

[Interviewer terminates interviewer at this point as L’arse returned and drunken Scumbucket seemed no longer able to focus on any meaningful conversation.]

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

2003-06-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

There are millions (billions?) of "voices" on the Internet - If not now, then over the next hundred (thousand?) years.

Perhaps one or two will have; ...questions? ...comments! ...thoughts...

For a short time, e-mail to: r2ef44c02@sneakemail.com should get through.

(It will be interesting to see if anyone sends any. / Is there anybody out there?)

2003-06-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

A Poem

If I could write a poem...
...the effect would be quite clear.
The world would wake to sanity
...that marked the death of fear.

If I could write a poem...
...the words would not be new.
For though they have been said before
...I know the words I'd choose.

If I could write a poem...
...what good would it really do?
To just repeat what's oft' been said
...but never heard by you?

For, if you're really listening
...and if you've really heard...
...I needn't write a poem...
...I needn't say a word.

-justed

2003-05-29T06:52:00.000-07:00

Open letter.
Ms Hilary Rosen
c/o RIAA

Ms Rosen: Recently, while walking down the street, I chanced upon a Quarter (of a dollar, a twenty-five cent coin).
As I picked up and pocketed the Quarter I considered the practicality of turning the coin in to the police. I sympathized with the coin's owner loss. But I did nothing, figuring that the value of the lost property was too little to justify the cost of the effort to restore the property to the owner.
Ms Rosen, this leads me to inquire: Recently while stumbling around on the Internet, I came across what seems to be an infinite quantity of mp3 music files.
Ms Rosen, I am not highly computer literate but I have heard reports that you (and the RIAA) value these lost files at in excess of one hundred thousand dollars each.
Ms Rosen at your direction I am willing to attempt to forward you these lost music files which under optimum conditions I anticipate I can do at the rate of two thousand eight hundred and eighty per day (approximate value: Twenty-eight billion, eight hundred and eighty million dollars).
Ms Rosen, please advise.

justed

PS Just as a matter of curiosity, would there be a reward?

2003-05-12T00:59:00.000-07:00

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

In the NEWS today: RIAA Announces New CD Prices.
-It was announced today, the new price of $50.00 per CD is to go into effect immediately.

In a related story: CD Retailers Immediately Embark On A ‘Price War’.
-The dust had hardly settled on the new CD list prices before a ‘price war’ broke out.
-Eager to grab market share consumers saw frantic price cutting today as retailers hard pressed by their cost structure began slashing prices to as low as $49.97 before finally settling on an industry wide $49.98.

In other developments: Legislation To Collect The ‘Missing Two Cents’.
-The new 2-cent legislation was passed unopposed by eager lawmakers and is ready to be signed into law.
-Provisions of this law will allow the RIAA to freeze and attach all individual bank accounts nationwide.
-Said a spokesperson for the RIAA, Scumbucket McGreedy: “We produce over 12 billion CD’s yearly and at 2 cents per CD, that’s over $240,000,000.00 that we won’t let those thieves get away with.”
-This will be used to supplement the recently passed 50% Vehicle Tax Surcharge as well as the 50% Home Ownership Law.
-Both of which it may be noted, were passed by eager legislators under the motto “There’s probably somebody in there somewhere in those homes or vehicles who’s listening to music – and we want our cut.”

Also in the news: Word Of Proposed Legislation To Reduce The Unfair Burden On The RIAA.
-Legislation to reduce the burden of having to pay $5.00 each time the RIAA has to tell some clerk they want to rip open some individual’s computer to see what’s on it may be about to be changed.
-Said spokesperson Scumbucket McGreedy: “Other organizations give discounts for volume and we’re getting hundreds of thousands of these penny-anti $5 charges. It’s just not fair!”
-The government is thought to be favorably reviewing the process.

Well that’s it for today. Stay tuned to this media news channel and don’t forget our upcoming Special Report: 12 Different Ways You Can Pay More Money To The RIAA.

(***Satire***Joke***Humor***Parody***)

2003-04-14T02:16:00.000-07:00

Re: Market Economies and Rule of Law - Remarks by Chairman Alan Greenspan
At the 2003 Financial Markets Conference of the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, Sea Island, Georgia (via satellite)
April 4, 2003

There is a battle going on brought about by the widespread acceptance of the utilitarian nature of the Internet. It's the battle for human freedom, freedom of thought. And its resolution will unleash or cripple human freedom for a long time to come.

Mr. Greenspan by virtue of his position in society raises the level of consideration to new heights, heights beyond the transitory, petty, self-serving interests’ of groups like the music industry (RIAA).

(QUOTE)
Yet an excess of rules--in the extreme case, central planning has also been shown to stifle initiative and produce economic stagnation. (Read: proposed DRM, DMCA)

As societies and economies evolve, the details of the law, though generally not its fundamental principles, need to change. (Read: proposed DRM, DMCA)

By contrast, in the conceptual world, much of production is characterized by constant, and perhaps even zero, marginal cost. (Example: mp3's)

The demand for conceptual products is clearly impeded to a much smaller degree by rising marginal cost than is the demand for physical products. (Example: file sharing mp3's)

Whether we protect intellectual property as an inalienable right or as a privilege vouchsafed by the sovereign, such protection inevitably entails making some choices that have crucial implications for the balance we strike between the interests of those who innovate and those who would benefit from innovation. (Example: RIAA vs. consumer)

This synergy (laser and fiber optic technologies in the 1960s and 1970s) has produced very little that is tangible in information technology. Yet the information flow that it facilitates has allowed the creation of vast amounts of wealth. (i.e.: the Internet)
(UNQUOTE)

I’m glad to see such a respected person raising issues that need to be considered beyond the confines of narrow advantage-of-the-moment interests. (Read: music industry, RIAA)

(QUOTE)
Indeed, the nature of intellectual property is importantly different from physical property.

Are all property rights inalienable, or must they conform to a reality that conditions them?
(UNQUOTE)

2003-04-14T01:48:00.000-07:00

There is a war on... it's not a new war... it's the same old war that keeps having to be fought over and over again. It's the war for human freedom.

From:http://www.boycott-riaa.com/

We may never ever regain our liberties

From:http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/siliconvalley/5571471.htm

MY COMMENTS:

George Orwell's book 1984 was seen as a seminal warning of the dangers the future could hold, and as such was considered a horror story. But to some, it was more of a road map, a sort of how-to.

From:http://www.newspeak.com/

"Published in 1949... dangers of a totalitarian government fueled by high technology. Orwell envisions a world... where the West has fallen under the spell of a totalitarian... dictator, Big Brother... perfected the uses of high technology to monitor the lives of its populace, and to insure unswerving loyalty through surveillance, propaganda and brainwashing."

"The government's most brilliant and most appalling project is the actual deconstruction of the English language... Without the vocabulary for revolution, there can be no revolution."

"For those who persist in thinking for themselves, so-called Thought Criminals... the Thought Police, are there to intervene, incarcerating the free-thinkers in the Ministry of Love, where they will be re-educated, or worse."

Welcome to the realization of Orwell's worst nightmares.

Sign me: Unrepentant Thought Criminal

2003-04-14T01:21:00.000-07:00

The Internet: Millions (if not billions) of voices crying out to be heard, everybody talking... but nobody listening.

The sheer total of human knowledge exceeds any one human's ability to grasp, much less fully appreciate.

At best, we are all but pointing out small pieces of a far larger picture.

2003-04-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

Whether or not it is an auspicious start, this blog comences today, April Fool's Day 2003.

The purpose of “A justed Question” is to explore a number of themes that will be developed over time because they can’t be just “spit out” like some 15-second sound bite.

So to whoever reads this, I ask your forbearance as I try to raise to consciousness and ask a question.

Or, as I choose to say: A justed Question